Wake up call

A couple months ago I had a little wake up call.

I had been pushing my son to eat eat eat, encouraging him that 'big boys eat, they don't use their tubes' and at the time that seemed like a good encouraging thing to say.
That was until we had our monthly GI appointment and he lost weight and the Dr had to remind me that 'the tube is there, ues it!'
But then I go to use it, and it breaks my son's heart because "I'm a big boy, are you putting milk in there because I'm not eating good?" Well really, yes, but I can't blame him that he just can't take in enough yet.
He is almost 4.... and very very smart. I have been able to convince him that it's okay if I need to put milk in his tube, it's so he can get 'bigger' not because he's being bad and not eating. Now when he goes ona food strike, HE tells ME "I dont want it, just put it in my tube!" so he gets it... maybe he gets it a little TOO much!

I am on the fence on weather this is all behavioral or not. I do definatly think that part of it is behavioral, that is for sure. He has been spoiled, I'll admit that. When you have a child that was so sick that you didn't even know if they would make it, and that you dont want to let cry because it strains his heart... it's hard not to spoil. Not just in feeding, but we have seen some minor behavioral issues in other aspects of his life, I mean he is a 3 year old.
Another part of me thinks that part of it is not behavioral because HE wants to be off his tube, he doesn't want to have his tube and knows that other kids don't have tubes. He wants to eat, he'll get excited for a meal, help prep it, but then just can't seem to eat it. We've bribed, begged, and just downright demanded, we've gotten some little steps, but nothing long lasting.
Any yet another angel is that he IS refluxing. He had an upper GI in March of 2008 and it did show after he drank that stuff was coming back up, his fundo is still intact, but obviously loosened. You also have to take into consideration that being in congestive heart failure, the 'least important organ' is the colon so things do not always work the best in his GI tract.
So I do NOT want to make excuses for him, but this isn't just a cut and dry 'healthy' kid that purly has behavioral issues and needs to be forced to eat.

We have tried the bribe- 'take one bite and then I'll give you an m&m'
' eat this or you can't have your lovie'
we have tried the- 'you are going to sit here until you eat it' and while that does eventually work, I can't (and dont want to ) spend 2 hours eating each meal everyday, that just IMO isn't the way to do it, and 1/2 the times it has ended up in vomit